As can be seen from my 'testimony' post the other day -- I had a great weekend - full of joy, Christmas spirit, the Lord's presence, love, peace, everything..... and as usual, whenever a person is so delighted in the Lord, the devil will come to try to snatch that joy away...
but I totally recognized it for what it was (but not immediately)....I don't know why but I just had a down day yesterday. I started thinking about how we are not where we want to be with our goals and started to get some discouragement.
Then I started getting a little homesick -- a in missing my family and 'home' where I grew up. Most everybody knows that I never thought I'd raise a baby, so far away from my mom, dad, sister, brother, etc. etc.! I always thought we would raise our kids together! So I'm still sort of in shock how my life has played out. I am soo thankful for everything we have been given - and I know I have been extremely blessed - but really, I just miss my family - my side of the family.
I want to be the best wife I can be for Brandon - and I know that Raymond and Brandon are my family now and we will make decisions that are the best for the 3 of us....but I just wish a door would open for us to move to New Jersey. Grandma's house is sitting empty, waiting to go on the market - and I know it's going to be hard for mom to sell that house. I think we all always thought one of us kids would take it. Brandon is soo willing to move to New Jersey --- he, like me, just wants to fulfill his purpose - and he knows these jobs we have now are just temporary. We want to do so much more than any regular or even great job can give us. We are just using these jobs to get our foundation we need - we are searching for open doors into other opportunties!
So my point it....I was discouraged. And you know how negative thoughts work -- once you get one negative thought rolling - you keep getting more and more to support that though. I started thinking about family members on Brandon's side of the family that keep making horrible decisions that we haven't been able to help or encourage, discouraged with lot of different things really....
and I started having these negative, awful thoughts that were dragging me down - trying to get me to get discouraged and doubtful. At first I didn't recognize what they were.....but then when I spoke some of my feelings out loud to Brandon - I felt soo ashamed. We are all negative once in a while - but I am better than letting those negative thoughts crowd into my self talk. So I opened up my Bible for my readings that night....
And as usual, God answered my doubts and discouragement right away, through His Word. He was there to comfort me. Every single passage I had planned to read that night, was exactly what I needed to hear! For example: I was getting all down on myelf for not moving back 'home' to take care of grandma those last years of her life on earth...I opened my Bible and saw on a sidebar:
"We can't go back... we can only go forward into uncharted territory. To sit in our sorrow would lead to misery. Although regret that leads to CHANGE is a dear friend, regret that leads to SHAME is a treacherous ENEMY! So how do we live without allowing regret to rob us of our joy? "and lean not on our own understanding" (Pr 3:5). There is no guarantee that if we had done a part or our lives differently things would end up any different. We have to trust that the God of the universe who directs the outcome of all things, that He will do that which ultimately needs to be done (in spite of us, if necessary)".
Is that not awesome?!?! God can MAKE my decisions right! He can turn anything around for the good. And even when I can't see Him working - He is! He does have something big planned for me/us. That is what faith is all about --- it's believing when it isn't easy ---- believing when you can't see!!
I am so thankful for God's word and for the people who wrote the sidebars in this version of His Word. Thank God for His comfort right when I needed it. My joy is back! :) Devil doesn't have a place in this house or this heart --- so get out if here devil and don't come back.