My cousin, Christa, and I have gotten into some awesome email conversations the past couple of weeks (well they've been awesome to me!)....her last response to me was so beautiful and powerful to me I asked her to post it on myspace/facebook. I bet a lot of people will be blessed by her wisdom. I love the way she puts things - and just her passion about God and her "here and now". I'll put all her writing in purple so you know it's her and not mine!!
Check it out in any version and it's like ok that's nice.
Check it out in the amplified version...[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death...and it's like WOAH!
My determined purpose is to know God. My purpose. What am I here for? To know God. I am here everyday of my life, job, kids, family, all secondary to knowing God. And on my journey to knowing God I will find the answer to all of life's questions.
I cannot take the journey alone. There is absolutely no way anyone can make this alone because the doubts and discouragement that you will discover everyone goes through, will take you down if you don't KNOW that other people go through it. The lies the enemy throws at you to keep you from realizing this truth, will always, always, lead you into isolation. Do you feel like you're all alone? Like NOBODY can possibly understand or get or help you because _____ ? That's the enemy. I don't even need to know your story to know that's true.
Note to self: NO amount of quiet time or dedication is going to make God give you want you want early. The point of quiet time/drawing near to God, isn't getting what we want it's getting to know God which is what he wants. It's possible to know God.
So this season is really really a learning season. Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you which has been on my facebook for at least a WEEK as the verse of the DAY is just a reminder. We have to keep our minds on God. Pursue God. NEVER stop chasing HIM and dreaming big -don't ever stop dreaming!!- because one day those things are going to happen and it's not too late. In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your paths.
The life that God intends for you, is not about a job or a ministry your life is about knowing God and being known to him, because we try to hide from him mucho.....He WILL use anyone, but he WANTS to use you. The desires of your heart and his heart for you are not fulfilled when you land a job or a ministry. He wants you to want him. He wants your job, ministry, family, college to bring you closer to Him, teach you to lean on Him, hear from Him, relate to him. He wants to be wanted by you and he wants you to want to do what he wants to do through you. All of that, all of those desires are cultivated through daily getting to know him, daily going where he guides. By being involved in ministry at church pouring your life out. By loving your husband and being the very very very best parent you can be and cultivating God in your kids. By taking risks. And then you'll be in a place years from now thinking, how did I get here?? I can't believe I am here and you'll realize God has accomplished what he promised in giving you more than you can hope or imagine.
But something inside of me rebels against all of that and just says, God, I just want to know now. Like my cousin Brandon's (yeah my hubby!) favorite verse of Psalm 23, he will MAKE you lie down in green pastures. Did you hear it? He will lead you to a place and say stay. rest. we have a journey ahead and a ways to go but you need to take this time, hang out with me, i'm your shepherd so I'm not about to leave without you (you're gonna make me famous/rich at the end of this journey while you're hair grows lets sit and hang out. heehee.....)
He will MAKE you come to this place where everything inside you rebels and there he will conform your will to his. And then you'll take off again on your journey.
I want to take every possible opportunity I have right now I don't want to miss ONE THING whether it's God or not as long as it's good, right now. But there's a huge fear that since I don't know where the road leads, or where I'm going, or what I want to do when I grow up, then I'll miss it. But it's pretty much guaranteed that I won't because God says so that you CAN'T. That's not possible because if you're seeking him and getting to know him you WON'T go anywhere that's not him. That simple truth is so. amazingly. easy. to lose sight of because we don't see how right now can lead us where we want to be.
I could ramble all day about this because over and over I feel the need to resolve this issue, I keep coming back to it. But life is not about a job it's about a journey. So when people ask from now on what I want to do when I grow up, I'm going to say I'm doing it. I'm really with all my heart seeking God. I'm serving and I'm learning. Everyday. I can't forget that. I can't lose sight of it or I'll start this crazy cycle again trying to find what I'm supposed to "DO" with my life. Then I'll end up back here realizing DUH I was doing it before I got side tracked trying to live my future as my present.
I have a few dreams here and there, don't get me wrong and I won't stop dreaming! but I have to live in the here and now and know God knows my future and that he wants me to live it and love it. So he'll lead me to it.