Thursday, February 28, 2008

Today's thoughts

*blog update* I updated my side bar with my email address in case anybody ever wants to communicate to me directly & privately.

I have a lot on my heart - but there's some fear in being so vulnerable as to share what I'm going through. I don't want to be judged because of it and I don't want it to be misunderstood or received negatively - so I'm going to put most of my thoughts on a private post until I know there's been time to sit and reflect on it. That has been a wonderful lesson I've learned this year--- to never post or say anything when we're so full of emotion. A lesson I really needed to learn a long time ago. When I do that (write or speak before allowing enough time for things to "cool down"), I end up saying things that I either regret or things that get misinterpretted because I didn't word them right in my emotion. Our "feelings" or "emotions" many times do not take into account the truth of a situation. (more on this at a later post). When I react with feelings/emotions...then, people end up getting hurt and I have to delete posts because I never want to be hurtful to anybody, ever. I needed a lot of help in this area and Jesus has given it. He has given me patience where before I would be rash. He has given me the strength to just step back and not get pulled into the emotion of a situation. I know it must be Him at work in me - because my personality is not the kind to be able to be calm when I'm hurt or offended or feel judged.

Because I love people - I love being around them. Because I'm around them so much, I've been in many situations where people are escalated (frustrated, upset). What I've learned (that I honestly still struggle with and need to ask for help with a LOT) is to never get sucked into others anger or emotion. You have to separate yourself. You have to do whatever it takes to not take personal anybody's attacks and realize a lot of what people say is just because of emotions and misunderstanding. The Truth of every matter is somewhere covered up with a lot of feelings and emotions and usually miscommunications based on past biases of a person. And that is what I was trying to say in my post from the other day. That the more truth I learn about a person, the more loveable they are. I believe that to be really true of me. Judgements might be true judgements at some time - but never looking past our judgements of a person doesn't take into account the power of Jesus. I believe Jesus can change anybody and change them completely! He sheds away all labels and redefines anybody when they ask. The more people look past my mistakes and look for the Jesus in me, instead of my past sins, the more loveable I am. Jesus covers up all bitterness, all hurt, all emotion and fills us with Him. I don't believe there's a person out there that doesn't need Jesus. We all have anger, bitterness and pain and I pray to find more people in my life that will extend to me mercy and grace and look for what Jesus has been able to cover me with - not what was once there.

I pray to find people that are like my husband that always just assume the best in people -- and try to draw out the Jesus in them instead of defining them by their past. The devil plants such negative seeds in our mind about others doesn't he? He loves for us to assume the worst in each other. He loves to distort truth and just cause confusion and hurt. Knowing this, I have been asking for help in just being able to assume the best in everybody.... looking for the good in them. When I see something that I don't understand on the surface, I need to look closer, deeper if possible and just believe that there is a truth there that I just don't know yet, that can explain why what is on the surface, is there.

So that is all that is on my heart today. No special plans for today really - but I do NOT think we'll try the park again because it's supposed to be pretty chilly again today haha I'm thinking we might just stroll at the mall or something!

I thought I'd share this email I received the other day. My verse of last week was Jeremiah 29:11 --- and I should have changed it Sunday but I keep forgetting. The verse this week is Romans 8:28 --- also a perfect example of God's goodness and love for us. There is always hope because of Jesus and there is always room for love and mercy! I will post more soon on this.....

Have a great Thursday! :)


melanie said...

Great post ~ I have had to learn the same hard lesson. I actually refuse to email anymore just because I have said things in the heat of my emotions. In email..or even a post I think I feel safer at saying things that I never would dream saying to someone to their faces. I also have a husband who seems to always look for the best and it is so much easier to walk in love around these type of people. I so long to love people and so my motto is..if I cannot say it to their faces then I have no business saying it at all.

Great post!!

Randi Jo :) said...

OH WOW Thank you so much Melanie!! There was so much truth in what you said.

Email/internet can be such a blessing - but it can be such a negative thing too. Things can be read so many differnet ways depending on what we perceive the heart of the person to be.

and besides being misinterpretted --- I have ruined relationships because of the mistakes I've made while typing and just reacting to the hurt I felt. Some of the things I have said over email in my emotion are just ridiculous - things I would never at all even come close to thinking or saying in person. Especially because I type fast so I can just let it all flow and hit send and feel like it's gone into space - but it's gone to a real person... AHHH.

I don't know where all that 'crap' comes from sometimes. Actually I do --- it comes OUT because I have let negative IN. I had planted lots of negative seeds into my mind with the bad association I had in my life for so long. It's just my hummanness.

But I am not going to let it define me. I am re-defined because Jesus is in me!!!

I know this also --- my sinful nature keeps me humble... proving to me time and time again that I need Jesus big time.

But I just have to KNOW I'm forgiven for these mistakes and it's just a lesson learned so I won't hurt others in the future! I have gotten burned enough that I think I am *finallY* learning to just not play with that fire at all.

Thanks so much for all your comments! Happy Thursday! or it Wednesday! It's Wednesday right? no wait - it's Thrusday! haha oh my goodness haha

Toia said...

I understand where you are coming from more than you can imagine. I have a private journal that I keep hidden. I used that journal to vent my frustations, random thoughts, and so on. Sometimes I start my entry off with Dear Jesus...

There are other times I just start writing as fast my hands allow. Sometimes I don't know where the bitterness or anger come from every now and then when they decide to rise up in my spirit. But just like you said I am not going to let that define me as well.

If and when you feel that "crap" rising up in you, that's the time you have to take control and realize you are in the refiner's fire (along with me and many other Christians) and you are coming out like pure gold.

Think about a swordsman. He starts with this crappy, dirty looking piece of metal. When the temperature of the fire is just right, he puts that piece of metal in until it gets red hot. Then he gets this sledge hammer and knocks it here and there trying to shape it up. After knocking it fews times, the swordsman realize that the metal needs to be put back in the fire. Everytime he puts it back in the fire, he begins to see all the dirt and impurities rise up to the service of the liquid fire. The swordsman will continue this process until he gets the desire shape and look he wants for his sword. When the swordsman gets the desire look and shape that he envisioned, he puts that dull looking sword in the water to cool it off, polish it, put finishing touches on it here and there. After everything is said and done, he has a stainless steel sword sharp on both edges.

With all that being said, consider yourself to be that hunk of metal and Jesus the swordsman, waiting and willing to process you and make you into a beautiful, refined, sharp sword. Your inscription will not say made in Taiwain, but Made in Christ.

Randi Jo :) said...

Toia that was so powerful and I appreciate your words so so much - I emailed you! THANK YOU! What beautiful words!!