*blog update* I updated my side bar with my email address in case anybody ever wants to communicate to me directly & privately.
I have a lot on my heart - but there's some fear in being so vulnerable as to share what I'm going through. I don't want to be judged because of it and I don't want it to be misunderstood or received negatively - so I'm going to put most of my thoughts on a private post until I know there's been time to sit and reflect on it. That has been a wonderful lesson I've learned this year--- to never post or say anything when we're so full of emotion. A lesson I really needed to learn a long time ago. When I do that (write or speak before allowing enough time for things to "cool down"), I end up saying things that I either regret or things that get misinterpretted because I didn't word them right in my emotion. Our "feelings" or "emotions" many times do not take into account the truth of a situation. (more on this at a later post). When I react with feelings/emotions...then, people end up getting hurt and I have to delete posts because I never want to be hurtful to anybody, ever. I needed a lot of help in this area and Jesus has given it. He has given me patience where before I would be rash. He has given me the strength to just step back and not get pulled into the emotion of a situation. I know it must be Him at work in me - because my personality is not the kind to be able to be calm when I'm hurt or offended or feel judged.
Because I love people - I love being around them. Because I'm around them so much, I've been in many situations where people are escalated (frustrated, upset). What I've learned (that I honestly still struggle with and need to ask for help with a LOT) is to never get sucked into others anger or emotion. You have to separate yourself. You have to do whatever it takes to not take personal anybody's attacks and realize a lot of what people say is just because of emotions and misunderstanding. The Truth of every matter is somewhere covered up with a lot of feelings and emotions and usually miscommunications based on past biases of a person. And that is what I was trying to say in my post from the other day. That the more truth I learn about a person, the more loveable they are. I believe that to be really true of me. Judgements might be true judgements at some time - but never looking past our judgements of a person doesn't take into account the power of Jesus. I believe Jesus can change anybody and change them completely! He sheds away all labels and redefines anybody when they ask. The more people look past my mistakes and look for the Jesus in me, instead of my past sins, the more loveable I am. Jesus covers up all bitterness, all hurt, all emotion and fills us with Him. I don't believe there's a person out there that doesn't need Jesus. We all have anger, bitterness and pain and I pray to find more people in my life that will extend to me mercy and grace and look for what Jesus has been able to cover me with - not what was once there.
I pray to find people that are like my husband that always just assume the best in people -- and try to draw out the Jesus in them instead of defining them by their past. The devil plants such negative seeds in our mind about others doesn't he? He loves for us to assume the worst in each other. He loves to distort truth and just cause confusion and hurt. Knowing this, I have been asking for help in just being able to assume the best in everybody.... looking for the good in them. When I see something that I don't understand on the surface, I need to look closer, deeper if possible and just believe that there is a truth there that I just don't know yet, that can explain why what is on the surface, is there.
So that is all that is on my heart today. No special plans for today really - but I do NOT think we'll try the park again because it's supposed to be pretty chilly again today haha I'm thinking we might just stroll at the mall or something!
I thought I'd share this email I received the other day. My verse of last week was Jeremiah 29:11 --- and I should have changed it Sunday but I keep forgetting. The verse this week is Romans 8:28 --- also a perfect example of God's goodness and love for us. There is always hope because of Jesus and there is always room for love and mercy! I will post more soon on this.....