I have realized these battles always start in very
insignificant, small ways – just like my walk toward the Lord – one step at a
time. I am not sure how this battle
started….maybe I was a victim of hormonal changes, maybe I chose a wrong attitude
in an annoying relationship dwelling on myself, or I allowed myself to get
consumed in something that really has no eternal significance… It doesn’t
really matter how this particular battle started…but ultimately it left me
having a bad attitude with the Lord & it left my heart unguarded.
As I turned open my Bible study somewhat begrudgingly one
particularly grey day, I saw the question, “which of these pieces of the armor
of God (in Ephesians) is most important to you?”… I remembered the last time I studied this
chapter how the Lord had shown me in such an intimate beautiful way that this
armor, each piece, like everything in scripture – was wrapped up in Jesus. It found its purpose & meaning in
Jesus. From the belt of truth (“I am… the truth” John 14:6), the
breastplate of righteousness (“our
righteousness” I Cor 1:30), the gospel of peace (“He himself is our peace” Eph 2:14), the shield of faith (in Jesus),
the helmet of salvation (“He became the
source of eternal salvation” Heb 5:9, I Thes 5:9, Eph 1:13), the Sword of
the Spirit, the Word (John 1:1, 1:14)… Everything is Jesus. Jesus is everything. Jesus is most important. The end.
This was such a great reminder to me. As I focused on Jesus, my Savior & Everything, I felt the Lord slowly & gently
melting away my hardness. All the fears,
doubts, just plain negative & nasty
thoughts & attitudes I had been carrying as I thought about Him just seemed to fall away.
I really understand why people call it a “soft heart”. They really do feel like hard & soft
hearts when we have them!
The armor that was particularly special to me as I focused on Jesus was that precious breastplate of righteousness. The breastplate protects the heart. Protects the relationship. The love. I really believed I had let go of that breastplate of
righteousness, and that is where I needed to begin, yet again. I had forgotten, to “guard my heart”. I had allowed my thoughts (my focus) to be
consumed with questions, doubts, pity parties, un-thankfulness, anxieties,
confusion, self efforts, whatever – rather than allowing my thoughts to be
consumed with my Lord & Savior. Oh yes!....(duh!)…. how did I get to this
place again? How did my mind &
thoughts wander so far from Jesus?
As tears rolled down my face without me even feeling
particularly emotional, I really learned a valuable lesson. When I feel my heart is under attack…when I
am feeling my love for God is waning… when I begin to doubt that His love for
me has changed…. I must return to that place I know so well - the foot of the
cross. Where righteousness was passed to
me simply because I surrender to that gospel truth. God sees me as righteous, praise the
Lord! It never ceases to soften my heart
when I focus on that cross & how He sees me. I really believe God loves Jesus with a
consuming, all powerful love. I am thoroughly
convinced of it. To KNOW & reflect on the truth that He looks at me through
His Son whom He cherishes so much is so amazing!
The most beautiful part of this conversation was how gentle
the Lord was. He is such a perfect
Father! I really felt He reminded me that
even though I had let go of that breastplate of righteousness (in my thoughts),
the truth is, I was never the one holding it in place anyway. I am and will always be… fully clothed in His
righteousness. Praise Jesus! He put that breastplate in place and He will
never take it from me. Now it’s just up
to me to believe it! Even when I let go
of that truth in my thoughts, it is still there, praise Jesus! Therefore, the battle that I have to
participate in, is not dependent on my strength to hold on to any armor – but
to do all I can to protect my mind, to guard my heart – against any thought
that makes me believe I am not fully protected with “every spiritual blessing” because of Jesus! (Ephesians 1:3) I have all the armor I need in Jesus & my
job to is to stay focused on Him, nourished by Him, close to Him. The next time my mind wanders, I pray I will
be able to more quickly run back to the foot of the cross & be reminded,
drawn in, reassured, rejuvenated, restored, refocused! That is
my best advice to give to anybody spiritually battling depression, fear, doubt,
anxiety – focus on Jesus, start at the cross! You are covered!
2 comments:
<3 I always seem to find your blogs when I need them the most. Thanks again for your openess and honesty for all the world to read. Anyone reading your blogs can easily see how important your relationship with the Lord is and in turn portrays you in such a strong and faithfil manner. The journey is never easy but I know that the Lord will hold our hands a take us gently through this journey. Hope all is well with you!
Thanks for the encouragement. I pray you are doing well & enjoying your family and all we have to be thankful for!! :)
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