Root Work --- Loving Others

I do believe one of the ways God is freeing me from people pleasing is through undeserved criticism, misunderstandings, rejection.   So I can thank Him for these struggles... because I do know He is using them for my good and His glory.

After some more messiness this week in relationships, I really have a head full of questions and thoughts.  I so desperately want to love people.... but I can't just make myself love people more.  I've tried.  That type of love always has a self motive in there.  It's not pure even if it looks pure.  I know it in my heart.... and over time it will show in the way I've let resentment built up or critical spirit or just when things get tough.   If we are not loving for the Lord and just being the funnel.... our love is not pure.  It is selfish love. Everything man does really has self motive in it somewhere.... except when they are Spirit full and Spirit lead and focused on the Lord.

So here's some bullets of where my thoughts are in this love process:

• How can I care deeply for others... not to be mistaken for... caring what others think about me?
• Why do I care so much what others think of me?? I believe He has shown me that answer is two-fold. 
• 1.  I am very social & a people person.  Some personalities more than others enjoy people & interactions.  People are my idols in many ways.  
• 2.  I have a lot of growth needed in seeing myself as God sees me.  My twisted self image needs a lot of healing.  He needs to change my thinking & heart to see myself as He sees me.  I know this so clearly.  I *know* so deeply that I need to be nourished by the Lord and find my fulfillment, value, affirmation, admiration, love from Him above all else.  I know He will use others in that process as well, but I need to be nourished by Him first so much more.  Knowing how He sees me and loves me is the key to this.  I so desperately want to grow closer to Him and know His love.  For so many reasons...but being able to be free from needing attention from others is a huge reason.  
• 3.  I want to be a good witness and point others to Christ. I care deeply about the messages I send in my words & actions.  I do very much feel God's call on my life to positively impact others for Him.  I accepted that spiritual inheritance passed to me from my grandma when I surrendered to Him and felt Him passing on the torch that grandma had carried

And then:  

• Matthew 6:19-20 has always stuck with me and I've always taken it to mean to treasure what will last for eternity...meaning people...not things.  I see now that it probably refers to all things eternal.  Closeness with the Lord, spiritual blessings, rewards in heaven & people, too.   I've always desired to care more about people than anything else on earth.... and I think that is a gift from the Lord.... but as usual, the enemy (or my thinking) just takes a small piece of truth, twists it a tiny bit and takes it to the extreme. So I'm left trying to store up people (I don't even mean numbers but just planting good seeds in people).... without really truly surrendering to God's will or God's way or God's time.   That's a lot of self.   Which means, I am really acting like this is my work and not His. Ouch.  I know He will use me.... but not until I am convinced HE builds His Church and it's His work in me that works.  I'm just the tool in His hands.  When there is so much self... that means I am so very dependent on how people are responding to my seeds which shows itself in caring too much what people think about me.  
• So the next layer of this is that at the root of it all... my love for others is mostly just self focused a huge portion of the time.  I don't love because I am so full of love and I just want to love others.  Mostly, I love people for a result (people feel loved, good, special....so the result is my seeds worked, I was effective.  People see something good in me and admire me...hopefully that will lead me being able to tell them about Christ without hesitation). 
• Wow, I just realized this all boils back down again to me trying to perform for the Lord.  I am trying to earn His grace and favor.  I don't feel valued unless I have purpose and am producing results.  Yet, time and time again, He has shown me that He loves me... "just because".  I am valuable, because I am His.  Like I tell my kids all the time about His love for them.  Ouch.  I can't believe how much everything in our lives is affected by our view of the Lord!!!! and our relationship with Him!!!!
• Yet I also can't go too extreme here.   God does use me to make people feel special & loved & that is so important... but I do realize that He doesn't want good enough... He wants to totally heal my heart little by little.  I really don't want anybody to feel like I used to feel around people who claimed to be Christ followers...but that's not a good enough reason. He wants me to have a Christ focused heart surrendered to His purposes.  He wants me to be soo full of love from Him, that it just overflows and I become loving.. not because I'm trying.   
• So even if I have a godly & healthy end picture in mind (making other people feel loved & special & seen....and to glorify Christ)....He wants to make my heart even better.  Totally pure & no self in there.  
• *Genuine* love is my witness.  Jesus's amazing,  only-He-does-this, "just because" LOVE that overflows onto others.     I need more of it... so I have more to pass out.  
• My other witness is also my weakness. I can be a witness and glorify God by being real about my struggles & showing my dependence on the Lord.  
• It's a hard thing to accept that people see Christ in me not when I'm "successful", "thriving".... but when I'm dependent on the Lord, normal, willing to accept my imperfections & others, peaceful, gracious, kind, fruits of the Spirit, yet  real and humble and quick to acknowledge my weaknesses.
• I heard Ann Voskamp say that weaknesses take the sharpness of perfection off of our lives... so we are huggable to others.  More able to hug others, less sharpness is on there, worn down through imperfections and now gracious (my paraphrase)
• At the basis of that acknowledgement that weakness is witness..... is how important it is to understand that so much of my thinking is sooo deeply rooted in the world that I often line up to the world's incorrect opinions & views of "success" and "God's favor".  I forget so easily that God's favor doesn't mean perfection.  It doesn't mean perfect feelings.  It doesn't mean ease.  It doesn't mean comfort.  It doesn't mean health wealth prosperity.  It doesn't look any certain way at all, actually... since we all have different roles, passions & purposes.   His favor shows itself in heart ways.  Genuine love, fruits of the Spirit, peace because His Favor is His grace - shown in His presence & love - with us - no matter what. 

I know I won't be perfect on this.  Only the Lord loves perfectly.... but I so desperately want to genuinely love others.   I don't want to do it because it makes me feel good.  I don't want to do it to earn His favor.  I don't want to do it to receive love back.   I just want to love, just because!!  Just because it's IN me and how can I NOT love?!?!

I do experience this here and there.... but not enough.  I care way too much what others think.  I care too much to be effective.  I care too much for what is in it for me.  And that others see what I'm doing.

Every time I think I'm "over" that caring too much to be effective..... finding my purpose in how GOD uses ME.... (the first victory being when I mourned over the dreams and plans I had for my life...totally surrendered them & cried and found rest in allowing Him to decide how to use me, finding contenment in the daily work He chose for me as wife & mom).... it rears itself up in another form.  So strange.  I didn't even see what was at the root of all this until just now writing this!!

I *know* I have to get my eyes off myself and focus on the Lord.  I know that's the answer.  I know Jesus is always the answer.  It's just a struggle to surrender that and work out that process in daily life.  He needs to transform my mind and thinking.   I need to be truly nourished by Him, rest in Him.  Get love and affirmation and nourishment and connection from Him so much more!!

I so desperately need to be transformed by the renewing of my mind.  I am trusting that He will continue to do this.

I praise the Lord for Him guiding my thinking on this.  This is a step.  He is helping me get to the ROOT of these issues so that my soil is healthy and ready for all these seeds He is growing in me!!   The root work, the ground work is tough toil.  It is pretty painful and there's not a lot of outward results seen.

So that's where I am right now.

Frank Viola's New Book - God's Favorite Place on Earth

Frank Viola’s new book, God’s Favorite Place on Earth, has just released. If you get the book between May 1^st to May 7^th, you will also receive 25 FREE books from over 15 different authors.

Click GodsFavoritePlace.com to ordering information and easy instructions on how to get your 25 free books.

Recommendations

“In Frank Viola’s hands, the story of Lazarus—like Lazarus himself—once again comes to life. In a world where hope is battered and life can so easily beat down the human spirit, we are reminded once more of the possibility of becoming a host of Life.”

John Ortberg, pastor and author of Who Is This Man?

“God’s Favorite Place on Earth realigned my heart toward Jesus and His mysterious, confounding, surprising, beautiful ways. It’s not often I learn something new when reading a book, but Frank Viola’s sharp storytelling and insightful interpretation made me hunger for more of the real Jesus.”

Mary DeMuth, author of Everything: What You Give

“God’s Favorite Place on Earth is the kind of book I’ve discovered I need to periodically find and read. Frank Viola’s pen and voice are consistently both penetrating and trustworthy. Beyond his invitingly beautiful writing skill—which makes reading a joy and a sight-seeing tour that brings God’s Word into 3-D when he relates narrative passages, I’m grateful for the depth of his themes.”

Pastor Jack Hayford, Chancellor of The King’s University, Los Angeles

“This is a masterfully engaging book that distills the vision of the Christian life into one focused quest: To be God’s favorite place on earth today. I recommend this little volume to all Christians and Christian leaders.”

Mark Batterson, New York Times bestselling author of The Circle Maker

“Combining masterful storytelling, historical knowledge, biblical insight and practical wisdom, Frank artfully uses the Gospels’ depiction of Lazarus and the small town of Bethany to lay out a beautiful and compelling vision of a God who longs to make every human heart and every church ‘His favorite place.’ This is a beautifully written, timely, prophetic work all would benefit from reading!”

Greg Boyd, pastor and author of Benefit of the Doubt

“A lot of people write books, Frank writes stories and in this one we once again see why he’s such a master. Honored to call him a friend, excited to call him an author I love to read.”

Jon Acuff, bestselling author of Start, Quitter, and Stuff Christians Like 

“Frank Viola surpasses himself in his best book yet—a work of serene, soaring magnificence. Part novel, part biography, part theology, part Bible study, Frank’s imaginative touch and command of prose haiku leaves the reader resolved more than ever to be a Bethany—God’s favorite place on earth.”

Leonard Sweet, Drew University, George Fox University, sermons.com

“Reading God’s Favorite Place on Earth by Frank Viola, my soul began to burn from Chapter One. To delve into Lazarus’ heart and thoughts … I received a beautiful glimpse into the life of Christ on earth. Lazarus’ stories make a perfect foundation for God’s truth, God’s intimacy. I can’t wait to share this book!”

Tricia Goyer, USA Today best-selling author of 35 books

“In spite of my Ph.D. in Theology, I had never considered the importance of Bethany in the life of Jesus.”

Phil Cooke, media consultant and author of Unique

“The best thing I can say about Frank Viola is this: When I read his books—and I read them all—I don’t think much about Frank Viola. I think about Jesus. And I learn to love Him more. This book is no different. Read it, and you’ll find yourself thinking, if you’re like me, ‘I knew Jesus was great, but… Wow!’ And that, at least from me, is as good as it gets.”

Brant Hansen, Radio personality and blogger 

See all 47 Recommendations at GodsFavoritePlace.com 

Check out the book sampler and share it with others: http://frankviola.org/GodsFavoritePlace.pdf

Check out the short video trailer and share with friends: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RG_9TeE-BO8

Steps to Relational Unity

Alan Knox started a chain blog on Real Relationship Unity and the first bloggers did a beautiful job of sharing what Christian unity is - simply put - it is finding unity in Christ alone.  I will try to add to the conversation by breaking down a little more what that means.

I have found that what God is trying to do in our individual lives parallels what God is doing corporately in His Church.  If change always happens from the inside - out and one person at a time, then it makes sense that God unifies His Church by molding hearts one at a time.  And I believe the most effective way He molds hearts is through relationships.

The first step in having relational unity is understanding that I am not perfect. I have to acknowledge that I have strengths and I have weaknesses.

Step two is understanding that God is purposeful in who He puts in our lives.  God molds our hearts by shedding His light on our strengths & weaknesses and He does that best in close honest relationships with others that are different from us.  God purposefully puts people closest to us that are very different from us for a specific reason.

Step three is understanding that although God uses us in each other's lives, it is not our job to focus on other's weaknesses but instead, focus on their strengths.  This is also known as love.  Bringing out the best in others, focusing on Christ in them (the strengths God gifted them with) is a form of love.   God molds us in relationships not when we try to teach each other (aka focusing on or pointing out other's weaknesses) but by having an open heart and looking for the best in each other.  And when we see the best in others, there is always something to learn from that strength in them.  We all instinctively know that God wants to use us in each other's lives, so it is an easy trap to fall into to try to focus on correcting & changing others.  Instead, like everything else in our spiritual walk, we have to surrender what is in our nature and trust and allow God to do His work while we do the humbling.

So if we understand we are not perfect, that God is sovereign and deliberately wants us to be around people who are different from us and that He desires us to have an open heart to see what we can learn from others.... then we are ready for relational unity.

If all 3 of these steps are followed, then I do believe we will build each other up in Christ.  And when individuals are built up in Christ - the strengths of each individuals come together to form into Jesus' *perfect* personality.

If instead we do opposite of these 3 steps, we will have relationship division & disaster.  If we think we are superior in knowledge, personality, insight or understanding and don't have anything to learn from others...If we think it is always our job to choose who we want to hang out with (which in our nature, we will always pick people that make us comfortable because they are like us)....And if we are always try to teach others and change others, then our differences will always be central and the focus of our relationship and nobody will grow.  We will not be able to build each other up.... and what is then seen corporately is all the weaknesses lifted up...which does not represent our perfect Jesus. :(

Each of these steps I wrote about on an individual level can be applied corporately.  Denominations, just like individual personalities, have strengths & weaknesses.  Every single one of them!  No organization is perfect just like no individual is perfect.  No theologian is perfect. Nothing and nobody is perfect --- but together, all our strengths are being built up and point to the One who is perfect.   Our strengths ARE Jesus living through us! Amazing!!

I do believe relational unity with extreme diversity is always possible, and not only possible, but it is God's design for us.   God did not gift any one person with all possible strengths.  God did not gift any denomination/group with all possible revelation/insight.  God did not gift any set of people with all possible passions & strengths.  But ALL those strengths together are all perfect, like our Lord!  The strengths of everything fit together perfectly... in a balanced crazy paradox. We can have unity across denominations, theological differences, generations, socioeconomic status and among individual personalities.

This post is getting too long.... but I would love to write another post on specifically what unity among different personalities looks like.

This blog sounds a lot like a blog I just wrote not too long ago on personalities.
The Personality of the Body
http://seedsinmyheart.blogspot.com/2013/03/the-personality-of-body.html

Thanks for letting me share!!

Chain blog rules:

1) If you would like to write the next blog post (link) in this chain, leave a comment stating that you would like to do so. If someone else has already requested to write the next link, then please wait for that blog post and leave a comment there requesting to write the following link.

2) Feel free to leave comments here and discuss items in this blog post without taking part in the actual “chain.” Your comments and discussion are very important in this chain blog (both on this post and the other link posts in the chain).

3) When you write a link in this chain, please reply in the comments of the previous post to let everyone know that your link is ready. Also, please try to keep an updated list of links in the chain at the bottom of your post, and please include these rules at the bottom of your post.

“Links” in the “Real Relational Unity” chain blog:

1. “Chain Blog: Real Relational Unity” by Alan
2. “The Treasure of Unity ‘in’ our Relationships” by Jim
3. “So The World May Know – Observations on the Road to Unity” by Christopher
4. “Christian Unity – What it is and What it’s not” by Nathan
5. “Steps to Relational Unity” by Randi
6. “Learn to Live or Live to Learn” by Greg
7. “The Limits on Unity” by Arthur
8. Who will write the 8th link post in the chain?

Breathe

I just finished the devotional, Jesus Calling.  I read along every day for a year straight and it was such a blessing to me.  I think the best seed God planted in my heart through it was how important it is to really keep my heart open to hearing His voice in the scriptures.  When I read the Bible now, I do listen for His message to me underneath what I'm reading.

As I sat and thought about the devotional, He kept pressing on me this word, "breathe".  One of my best girl friends and I (and my mom too!) always encourage each other with this word in times of stress.  "Breathe....one step at a time... breathe" are common texts between us.  I kept thinking about the breath of life God breathed into Adam.... and as I sat meditating on this, I do feel the Lord gave me a message for my friend that is intensely struggling right now.... and for my own heart as well.  Here is what I typed and gave to her:

 Breathe

I am the source & sustainer of your life.  

When I breathed into Adam the breath of life (Gen 2:7) it was a foreshadowing of the plan I had prepared for my children.

John 20:22 …He breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit”…

For you (my daughter) every breath you take physically is a reminder of the sustaining I am giving to your soul moment by moment.

When you feel my presence and when you don’t…when you feel fully alive and when you feel lifeless – I am sustaining you, always! You are alive and you will be breathing for eternity! I am keeping your faith life intact and always will, for.ev.er!

I don’t want you to worry about how many breaths you will take on this earth.  In fact, don’t think about that at all.  I know exactly every breath you will take on this earth. I don’t want you to know.  

Instead, let every breath you take be a reminder to you that you are one breath closer to seeing me face to face.  You are one breath closer to being fully enclosed in the shadow of my wings , fully healed, fully satisfied.  Let that hope encourage your soul & give you the fuel necessary to focus on the present moment you are breathing in.

You can’t see me face to face yet… but my children at any time can be still and know that it is my breath they are breathing and that closeness will give the peace & love that is needed to take one step forward. 

Just like I don’t give you ALL the air you will need for the rest of your life at any given moment, I will only give you what you need (peace, joy, strength) one moment at a time. So focus on right now.  Don’t allow anxiety to enter as you compare what you have now to what may or may not be ahead.   It’s true, you don’t have enough for what is ahead – but don’t be fooled – you don’t need anymore than what you have right now! And when you get to the next moment, you will have enough then, too.

Every time you are full of dread, fear or heartache and find yourself saying, “breathe” – know that that moment, too, is a gift from me!

When you are nudging yourself to just “breathe” - that is my spirit in you drawing your attention back to the sustainer of your life.  It is me reminding you how close I am to you – so close that I am not only right here with you – but it is MY breath of life in you. 

So fill those lungs my child!!  Have grace for yourself every time you lose focus and praise me for the tough times because when all you can do is “breathe” then all you are doing is focusing on me!

I have great plans for you my child and through each moment, my breath of life in you will be sustaining you. 

Breathe and know that I am God and you are mine!

Turning from Frustration, because It IS Finished!

This "Easter Sunday" I am doing all I can to not SIT in my frustration. Hopefully writing will help me move from the frustration I'm sitting in right now.  My frustration is with myself, with others, with the brokenness of the world.   Today in particular, I am frustrated with the institutional church as it is today and as it was thousands of years ago.  This "church" refuses to be separate from the world and instead tries to mix and mold its faith into the worldly traditions around them.  We can just look around at "Easter" and see all the *mess* and confusion that occurs when that mixing happens.   Ask any 6 year old christian what Easter is about and the hodgepodge of confusion that comes out and the variance of answers across the spectrum of families is great enough evidence!

With the refusal to be separate, "Christians" continually set themselves up against the world in a fight.  Which (in my opinion) is the last place God would have us be - *especially* over things that we shouldn't even be clinging to!  The particular tradition that says Easter is a "christian holiday" makes it appear that the world is stealing from the church or trying to taint the church by 'celebrating' the pagan celebration of Easter and enjoying baby chicks, bunnies and all things spring.

But the truth is, I'm with the world on this one!!   I hope the world snatches Easter out of the Institutional church's hands and runs so far away that the true Church could never be associated with it again!    I would be SO excited for that - so that we could get back to the business of ENJOYING and worshipping the Lord with our lives! I would love if EVERY Sunday morning when the sun rises, we remember that 1st Sunday when Jesus' followers saw Him in His victory over death - and celebrate how EXCITING that must have been for them!!  That's probably why the early Church started gathering every Sunday morning, no!?  How could they NOT want to be around each other and celebrate & remember!?

We should be *excited* EVERY SUNDAY because He is ALIVE and we have direct access to GOD, the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE!!  and we are going to live FOREVER and don't even have to fear death and the end of our life is just the beginning!! And Jesus is ALIVE in me and in you and there's so much more...and there is hope and healing and redemption and LOVE!!

but there's so many distractions.... and I am guilty as anybody at getting distracted....

Honestly, it seems to me that "Easter" looking more and more similar to the pagan holiday it started as - is a great sign that God is putting everything back where it belongs and is truly calling out His true Church! I pray He continues to use all the people and circumstances around His Church as a fire to refine us and burn away all that is not focused on Him and burn ALL away.

OHHHH I can not WAIT until all that is left is JESUS.

• I can not wait until I see His face as He is looking at His bride.  The bride that He went through excruciating agony beyond comprehension for.  Can you imagine looking at His eyes so full of pure LOVE for His people!?   
• I can not wait to see Him basking in His glory & the praises of His people and His face that just exudes, "it was worth it".  I'm so excited for Him! 
• I can not wait until ALL traditions that are not God-glorifying and Spirit-lead are just GONE and it just all makes perfect yet incomprehensible sense that Christ is all and that is all!  
• I can not wait until everything in ME that is not God glorifying & Spirit lead is wiped away as quickly as He will wipe away every tear and disappointment & frustration! 
• I can not wait until I can seriously seriously seriously just praise God in excitement, in humility, in adoration, in joy, in complete surrender and I am no longer getting in my own way or inhibited by anything. 
• I can't wait until His work in me is complete! 
• I can not wait until my emotions are perfectly lined up under Christ's Lordship and I can dance for Him and sing to Him and be excited out of pure Christ-focused fullness and not hold back and wonder if I'm leaning too much on my emotions?  and am I under His control?  and how come we can't *always* feel like this and why oftentimes is there no feelings!?  I believe someday there will be feelings of love and joy all the time!!! and it will be pure and true and real and Christ-centered!     
• OHHH I can't wait for the celebrations we are going to have when everything is no longer broken and everything finds its proper place under Him.  
• I can't wait for all the strains in all the relationships we have on earth to be completely vanished and we are so captivated by the Lord's glory and consumed with Him that there is nothing but Him and there is nothing in between us.  We can simply hold each other's hands and praise Him together and just talk about Him all the time and enjoy Him together! 

I CAN.NOT.WAIT.
but I have to :)

So on I journey... doing all I can to surrender to Him and allow Him to mold me as I grow closer to Him daily.  I enjoy so much the little glimmers of HIS LIFE in me and the healing and joy and thankfulness and trust and reconciliation and love that we get to experience here....and the hope that the little glimmers give to me are worth not sitting in my frustration.

I can move from my frustration because I know deep in my heart Christ IS all.  He is risen.  My Spirit knows that this realm isn't all there is!  We are healed.  We are in Him.  His Church is built up.  We are raised up with Christ and seated with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus (Eph 2:6)

We are here on earth for such a short time - but it's for a purpose. We each have our part in this beautiful mystery unfolding in our earth time.  Surrendering to Him so He can live through us IS our part.

While we are here, God is going to work in us and work through us.  His work in us will be complete and the good works He prepared us for will be finished!  We can accept the brokenness in ourselves and others and in the world and continue on because we know He is sovereign and what He is doing is worth all the wait.

And we don't have to be frustrated... because we can choose to believe that even while He is finishing all the unfolding...

It is FINISHED.

For by one sacrifice He has made perfect forever those who are being made holy
Hebrews 10:14