Thursday, January 8, 2009

My One Word - Trust

Pastor Chris of CrossWinds told us about a really cool new ministry called, MyOneWord that Port City has started. We thought it would be a great exercise for us to do. I have been writing down words the past 24 hours that mean something to me.

Words that I desire to be descriptions of me/my life/my soul:

There is one word that popped in my heart though as soon as I read about this ministry at the website and that was Trust. To be trusting.

I've always considered myself a very faithful person. Growing up, I pictured God solely as a father figure to me. He was my protector and one who would take care of me like my father did.
I always believed He had a plan for me and I clung to Jeremiah 29:11 as a life verse for a long time pre-Brandon (childhood/high school). I felt I could count on God to give me the desires of my heart, send me where I needed to go, put me at the right place at the right time and align things up in life for me. As I learn more and more about God, one aspect of Him is still that father figure to me.... but there are so many other dynamics of Him He has allowed me to see.

I always knew it was okay to ask questions and to doubt things.... because without doubt, we wouldn't need faith. It's important to be able to admit and be open with the realization that nobody, including ourselves, has all the answers as to God's will. God's nature. God's plan. And there is a lot of grey area. Through the past year, I have come to accept grey areas and even love them.... because coming face to face with those areas and discussing them is what grows my faith. Without doubt there would be no need for faith. I like not having to play God.... and I like not being around people that think they are God either. So I really feel that God has been growing my faith and although I need a lot of growth in this area - I also have come a long way in this area.

BUT although I would consider myself faithful and I'm okay with doubts & questions (though I need LOTS of growth in this area too)... I believe there's a difference between faith and trust.

I very much have a trust issue with God. I have faith in Him and His love. I have faith that He has a plan for me and will make my decisions that I make right in the long term.... but I don't give near as much trust to God & the workings of the Holy Spirit as they deserve.

I believe that faith actually comes easier to me than trust.

Faith is being able to see what's not there. The "substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1). I am a very enthusiastic person and always am optimistic about the future. I have faith that He has my future in His hands. I have faith that in the long term, all things will work for the good (Romans 8:28).

but I do have issues with trust. Trust is relying on the ability, integrity, strength & plan of God despite the evidence showing. It's being confident of God's goodness and plan despite what our senses are telling us. It's believing in spite of the evidence seen.

I have some control issues. I like for things to go according to my plan. I will totally take off the mask here and say in many ways I try to play God in many areas of my life. I'm a great planner. I am organized. I am observant. I am watchful of my family and friends. I can trust in me. I was always that friend that the other parent's left in charge because I was so trustworthy. So reliable. I remember even at the age of 7 going to a friend's party at her house and everybody was out of control silly and acting crazy and although I did get silly & crazy (still do).... I always would be the one to know that the parents were annoyed with us. That we needed to calm down. That the parent was trying to get down the stairs with all the gifts and needed help. I am a trustworthy person. My boys can count on me to have all their needs (cup, blanket, bandaid, etc.) when we go somewhere (which is why I carry a mary poppins bag and why it takes me 30 minutes to leave the house hehehe). I'm trustworthy.

I'm trustworthy. It's a strength. It's a weakness. It's a blessing. It's a curse. I rely on myself too much. I think I'm a better planner than God sometimes. I'm not sure I have ever truly given up and trusted His will for my life entirely... in many areas. In many areas of my life --- I inside negotiate with Him... like, "I will only do Your will in this area, if you will do it this way, at this time"

I have issues :)

So my one word for this year is trust. I am completely committed to this word this year. I will trust Him. I will do whatever I can to trust Him in ALL areas of my life. I will allow HIM to be the planner. I will trust Him despite what it appears around me. I will trust that He is smarter than me. I will trust that He is a better planner than me. I will trust that He loves me more than I love myself. I will trust that He's a much better decision maker than me.

I will surrender my fears & worry and I will trust that yes in the long term He will make things right --- but He also has my back NOW. He will guide me. He will help me make right decisions. He will assist me to stay in His will.

God does not need me. What a wonderfully free-ing thing to know I don't have to have all that pressure on my shoulders. He doesn't need my help with planning.

He is completely trusthworthy!!

The verses to support my word are below. The first 2 are most special to me. Proverbs 3:5-6 is one of the first 2 scriptures I ever memorized in my life. Those words have always been there in my heart since I learned them in my elementary years so many years ago. How much more precious they become every year.

Proverbs 3 :5 - 6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

Isaiah 26:3 You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.

Isaiah is a very special book to Brandon & I. Raymond's middle name is Isaiah, most people don't know that. The first part of this scripture is hanging up on a beautiful wood carving that always hung in my grandma's house. When she passed on in May 2007 my mom gave me this verse plate and it is in our living room. I didn't know the end of the verse until I was looking up scripture on "trust" and found this one. How appropriate.

Psalm 13:5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I Cor 13:7 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres.

Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 10:11 Anyone who trusts in Him will never be put to shame

John 14:1 Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me - Jesus

Nahum 1:7 The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him.

Jer 17:7 But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him

Isaiah 26:4 Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord is the Rock eternal

Psalm 56:3 When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid.

pslam 31:14 But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, 'You are my God'


Toia said...

That's a word I need to practice my self. I can relate when you said not trusting God and the Holy Spirit as much as you should or to some point not even at all.

Sometimes I would think God needs my help delivering me from from various situations. Tell you the truth, I do more harm than good.

I think I am going to write a one word list like you did and see what happens. Thanks again for a great post.

PS - My oldest son, Jonathan, middle name is Isaiah, too!! :) :)

Stay Bless and Stay Strong!!!


Anonymous said...

Hey girl! I finally got my act together and started blogging/commenting again. Sorry I dropped off the face of the earth for a month. Hope you'll come back to reading me again.

Rebekah said...

I struggle to trust God like I should. It is foolishness, I know, because He is so trustworthy and good!

babyfordawn1983 said...

Trust... What a word. It is amazing how a 5 letter word can have such a huge impact on our lives. If I had to choose one of those words from your list, mine would be faithful. Faithful towards Chirst. I have a tendancy to fall back to Satan and it is a very dangerous see saw that I need to get off of. I just need to completley turn my life into His hands. He will take care of me. Maybe that is why this recent thing happen to my family. To build faith.

Randi Jo :) said...

thanks u all. love you!

Katrina said...

After reading your comment today over at Rebekah's blog I just had to come over and say "hi" again. :o)

I love what you've written here. It really speaks to my heart. I so need to learn to just trust more! Thank you for the verses you shared.